Level Up Your Conversation Skills
How to start, engage, listen, and connect
So, you've found places (online and in real life) to connect with the people you want to meet, and you’re shaking off your networking nerves. Now... what do you actually say? How do you start talking? What if everyone is already in little groups talking? What do you write in that intro email?
Breaking the Ice
Starting or joining that first conversation is the highest (probably scariest) hurdle. Practicing some simple openers makes it way easier.
Have Your Basic Intro Ready
Maybe someone will approach you first and ask who you are and what you do. Practicing that answer until it comes naturally will help you feel more confident when you approach strangers or when they approach you! Figure out the basic relevant info someone would want to know and have a few different ways of saying it that you are comfortable with. Something like…
"Hi, I'm [Your Name], a [Your Year] at [Your School] interested in [Field/Topic].
or
“My name is [Your Name], I’m exploring career paths in [Field/Topic].”
or
“I’m a student at [Your School]. My name is [Your Name]”.
3 Ways to Start (or Join) a Conversation at an In Person Event:
The Classic: "Hi, I'm [Your Name]." Smile, make eye contact, maybe a handshake (read the room). Simple works!
Use Your Surroundings: Make eye contact, smile. "What brings you to this event?" "What did you think of that speaker?" "Hi, I'm new here, just wanted to introduce myself."
Join a Group: Wait for a pause, then a polite "Mind if I join?" or "Hi everyone, I'm [Your Name]." “I hope you don’t mind, I heard you talking about [Topic] which I was actually hoping to learn more about.”
4 Tips for Breaking the Ice Over Email or LinkedIn Messages:
Personalize, Personalize, Personalize! Generic messages get ignored. Say why you're reaching out to them specifically. "I saw your work on X," "We both went to Y high school," "Z recommended I reach out." Mentioning a shared connection, school, group, church, or interest makes it feel less like a random AI bot.
Find Common Ground: What shared mission do you have and why does it matter to you? "What you are doing with X really resonated with me because I share your passion for Y. It’s important because Z."
Clear Subject Line (Email): "Informational Interview Request - [Your Name]" or "Question from [Your School] Student." If referred, mention the referrer! "Referral from Jane Doe: Connecting"
Be Brief & Clear: Respect their time. Get to the point quickly but politely. Don’t write a novel, just a quick note with the relevant information. Do have a clear and direct “ask”. What is it you want them to do? Meet with you for coffee? Schedule a video call? Look over your resume? “I’d appreciate your insight on X. Can I buy you a coffee sometime in the next two weeks?”
Most people like to answer questions about themselves and what they do. If you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, they’ll be able to tell, and they’ll enjoy talking to you.
Asking Good Questions & Engaging
Aim for a real conversation, not just small talk.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Go beyond yes/no. Use "How," "What," "Why," "Tell me about..."
"How did you get started in this field?"
"What's a typical day like in your role?"
"What do you enjoy most about what you do?"
"What advice would you give a student interested in [Field]?"
"What are some key trends or challenges you're seeing in your industry?"
"Are there any resources or groups you'd recommend I check out?"
"What's one lesson you learned the hard way in your career?" (Use this thoughtfully!)
Be Genuinely Curious: People appreciate it when you're actually interested in them and their story. Focus on learning.
Find Common Ground: Chat about shared hobbies, interests, or experiences (even non-work related) to build rapport. Do you have a shared passion or mission?
Be Ready to Share (Briefly): Remember, two-way street! Be ready to talk a bit about your interests, what you're studying, or what you're hoping to learn, and what you would like to bring to the table.
Focus on Asking for Advice: This is a golden strategy. People usually love giving advice. It shifts the dynamic – you're not selling yourself, you're seeking wisdom. It's flattering to them and makes the interaction feel purposeful and less intimidating for you. Plus, there’s a good chance you’re going to learn something incredibly valuable!
Get comfortable with asking questions! It shows curiosity and eagerness to learn, both are great qualities to have!
Your Secret Weapon: Active Listening
Truly listening shows respect, builds trust, and helps you actually understand and remember the conversation.
Tune In: Put the phone away! Minimize distractions. Focus completely on the speaker.
Show You're Listening (Body Language): Nod, make eye contact (comfortably, not staring!), lean in slightly. An open posture (arms uncrossed) helps.
Verbal Nods: Small cues like "Mm-hmm," "Okay," "That makes sense" show you're tracking.
Ask Follow-Up Questions: "You mentioned X, could you tell me more about that?" or "What happened next?" This shows you're engaged and interested.
Paraphrase/Summarize: Briefly repeat back what you heard in your own words: "So, if I understand correctly, the biggest challenge is..." This confirms you got it right and makes them feel heard.
Don't Interrupt: Resist the urge to jump in with your own story before they finish. Get comfortable with short pauses.
Listen for Feeling: Try to understand the perspective and emotion behind their words. "That sounds like it was really rewarding."
Take Quick Notes (Optional): Jotting down key names or points helps you remember and shows engagement (especially in informational interviews).
Focusing hard on listening actually helps manage anxiety! It shifts your focus from your own internal monologue ("Am I being weird?") to the external task of understanding them.
Connecting Across Ages & Backgrounds
You'll meet people who are older, younger, with different jobs, experiences, personalities, and communication styles. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Acknowledge Differences (Without Stereotyping): People communicate differently. An older professional might prefer email, while a recent grad might use text messages. Pay attention to their cues and adapt. Don't assume!
Respect is Universal: Politeness ("please," "thank you"), respectful language (avoiding too much slang initially), punctuality, and listening well go a long way with everyone.
Be You (Professionally): Don't try to act like someone you're not. Be authentic, but adjust your casualness based on the context.
Speak Clearly: Avoid jargon they might not know. Be ready to explain things simply.
Respect Experience: When talking to senior professionals, acknowledge their expertise, especially when asking for advice.
Cultural Awareness: Be mindful that things like eye contact or personal space norms can vary. Be observant and respectful.
The winning combo for conversations? Genuine curiosity + fundamental respect. It builds bridges better than trying to fake a certain style or trying to impress people.